|
Living with Tuberous Sclerosis and Polycystic Kidney Disease not only is a medical nightmare, but also very emotional. I was born on April 14, 1985 and was diagnosed with Tuberous Sclerosis eight months later. TS is a crippling disease that creates mental retardation, seizures, scars and rashes on my body, as well as Polycystic Kidney Disease. To make matters worse, I grew up in a very strict church, which insisted that my diseases were due to my dad's sins. I was secluded from listening to the radio and watching TV as the world was distant in my mind. We eventually left the church when I was twelve.
It was only five years ago that I was on the verge of suicide. I was crying out to God in desperation, praying that he would send me someone that would pick me up and say 'Caleb, everything will be alright.' That person was Mariah Carey… and still is Mariah Carey. I have grown so much mentally and I'm ever so grateful to her and to Jesus. As the diseases halt me from living a normal life, I think of the lyrics to her music and find the strength to carry on and face another day. The impact of her music has been a lifeline to me and to many others.
|
Along with the religious messes in hand, my facial appearance continued to show very dark bumps and rashes that were not the normal appearance on a child's face. For many years up to this point of time, I was quickly judged and ridiculed for an aspect of myself that was unfixable. I was the center of a laughing stalk and began to withdraw deep within myself. Since we left the church I had lost what friends I had because the church had banned them from seeing me. Every part of my life that I valued was completely washed away. I had sunk into a deep depression and was completely built amongst fear when I entered my pre-teen years. I became afraid of everyone and was petrified to walk into Wal-Mart. I was very hurt by man and had experienced a series of horrible events of being backstabbed due to the diseases and the church. Yet, I still had faith in God and cried out to Him to bring me someone for help.
After turning the radio on for the first time in 1997, I heard a preview of My All by Mariah Carey. The power of her message and the realness of her emotion left me completely speechless. This was the first time in my life that I had cried. A few months later, I caught an inspirational performance on the television and watched her walk onto the stage. I could sense that she put forth her whole being into her music and that she had been through pain in life and could relate to my drama. During the song, I had finally heard hope. I quickly flooded with tears as my heart continued to ache. I immediately bought her new album and was in awe of the talent that she brought to light. Songs such as Always Be My Baby and Honey bring happiness into my life; while songs like Petals and Looking In force me to cry and overcome the cruel memories. Outside of my family, I never had anyone tell me that I was a good person. It always seemed like people tried to bring me down.
As I listened to Mariah's music, I finally believed that I am important and that I do not have to be afraid to be myself. I finally heard songs that portrayed the times in my life that were hurtful. I had built up so many emotions inside of me and yet was afraid to show them. Finally, I learned that it was okay to cry and that it was okay to feel what I was feeling. Mariah and her music helped me get through the suffering of feeling alone, while being gravely ill. She has helped me feel like I can be my own hero and stand up for what I believe. Now I've been able to create my own identity in the world. Along with God, she has helped me build my self confidence and finally enjoy life to its fullest.